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Every year on the High Holidays, police officers sit outside our synagogue to protect our community and building from harm. I know the risk that comes with openly celebrating Judaism.

And I appreciate their presence…until all their eyes are on me, a man wearing a (head covering) and a gold Star of David necklace who also happens to be a person of color.

“Inexperience, having no identity, and having no understanding of the opposite sex.” That makes sense when you consider how insular the Orthodox communities are.

Premarital sex, even premarital touching, is prohibited.

”“No.” (Seventh grade was the year I decided that religious activity was not for me — and the year I decided that social activities on Friday nights were far more fun than studying for an event that would not, as it would for my classmates, culminate in a very expensive, fancy party.)“Do you speak Hebrew?

OTD’ers who come to Irenstein never had the awkward, albeit formative, experiences the rest of us had—slow-dancing with some height-inappropriate partner in seventh grade, locking braces with someone in the back of a movie theater, getting to “second base.” Their questions for Irenstein range from the peculiar such as, “Is it OK to pay a girl to go out with me?“If I could work magic in your dating life,” Israel Irenstein says, “what would you have me change?” We’re sitting at a table at Pret A Manger in Union Square, and Irenstein, a 35-year-old dating coach dressed neatly in a pale green Tommy Hilfiger button-down, is talking with Sam, a 29-year-old ex-Orthodox Jew.Once they’ve gone off the path, for a variety of reasons including loss of faith, distaste for the lifestyle, and longing to educate themselves beyond the Jewish texts, OTD’ers are like immigrants in the secular world, unsure of the language and customs of dating, battling the voices of their parents and rabbis, who warned them that touching the opposite sex before marriage would incur God’s wrath.“There are three problems specific to the ex-religious when they first try to date,” Irenstein says.




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